Food journal - Day 1

I fight a daily battle with food and my weight. The tiring struggle has affected me emotionally and physically, and I think the best way to keep up healthy eating habits will be to journal down my activity levels and food intake. So here goes!

My morning began with an easy run around the neighbourhood and I rounded it up with 10 minutes of high intensity exercises.

Breakfast was a hard boiled egg and half an avocado with 2 pieces of Ryvita crackers, and a side of cherries and blueberries with greek yoghurt. I washed it all down with a cup of lemon water and coffee with milk. 

Lunch was leftover mashed potatoes, beetroot rice and oven baked dory fish. I had a handful of cashew nuts (approximately 30) and a large banana as well for a snack (not pictured). 

And then it was off to work. Since I was trying to stave off sleepiness, I had a cup of cappuccino before my shift. 

On the passing of time

"Is there anything more plausible than a second hand? And yet it takes only the smallest pleasure or pain to teach us time's malleability. Some emotions speed it up, others slow it down; occasionally it seems to go missing - until the eventual point when it really does go missing, never to return."

Sense of an Ending, Julian Barnes

The other day, I was trying to express the tug-o-war between two places that I felt upon the sudden realisation that my time back in Singapore has been whittled down to three short weeks.  A month after the holidays began, for want of something to do, I was raring to head back to Adelaide. Now that February has arrived, my heart begins to ache at the thought of leaving my family and friends again and going back. Sometimes it feels like I am torn between two places.

Nevertheless, the break has been a fruitful one. I have managed to bid my grandfather a final farewell, spent good quality time with friends and loved ones, read some great books, watched good TV shows and movies etc. May the new school year be full of promise.

Know Thyself

Are personalities prone to change with age and novel experiences, or are our underlying traits stable but our behaviours that change? I've always thought that I tended more towards extroversion as a young girl but lately, have identified more with the stories of individuals in the book 'Quiet'. Perhaps I withdrew inwards as I aged, or maybe the perception of being extroverted was just me longing to be the type of person that I desired.

Recently, I took the Myer Briggs personality test again and came out as INFJ. I usually take such test results with a pinch of salt but the description was really accurate. I've always felt like I was torn between two worlds, and a little bit bipolar. For example, I enjoy going out and socialising with friends but too many of such days in a week tires me out and I retreat like a snail into its shell. Yet too few of such days makes me depressed. I may come across as aloof but crave for social approval and love. I may be a dreamer but am able to take concrete steps to make my dreams come true. Case in point, my crazy decision to quit my deeply unsatisfying job, wipe out my bank account and change careers. While it may seem spontaneous, it was carefully considered and planned out. Finally, I am reserved, but hold strong opinions about certain matters and can have passionate arguments about what I stand for. 

And now that I understand a little bit more about myself, I feel a little less alienated and more appreciative of who I have become in spite of all the emotional baggage from being misunderstood. In learning more about my personality type, I am also forever thankful to being able to stumble upon the idea of this new profession and the opportunity to make the leap. It is definitely suited to my personality and my values. Let's hope the passion continues burning brightly in the years to come. 

Ah Kong

I pushed a full cart pass the laxly policed scanners before finding my way into mummy's embrace. The joy at having finally arrived in the land that I called home, and relief at the end of a long and tiring year, dissipated upon hearing the uttered words.

"Ah Kong is in the hospital."

"We didn't want to tell you because you were having your exams."

Time is experienced subjectively.

A stressful year seemed, to me, a long time. That, and the fact that the move to another country was a high stakes one. A do or die kind of thing (I exaggerate of course. But it sure felt like that).

Yet a year for Ah Kong seemed to move too rapidly. How could a person who appeared so in control of his mind and bodily functions at the start of the year deteriorate so much by December?

I would like to believe that Ah Kong waited for me to come home. Thank you for giving me the chance to see you for the last time. You lived a long and fulfilling life.

Rest in peace dearest grandpa.

Thought provoking documentaries

I am thoroughly enjoying every bit of my three week break by spending just a bit more time snuggled under layers of blankets (the reverse Princess and the Pea due to the chilly nights), and borrowing films to watch from the school library (I paid so much in school fees so I might as well make the most of it!). That's what I did during my time in National University of Singapore and in Leeds University as well, and it exposed me to and made me fall in love with a whole new world of film outside the typical Hollywood types.

This time however, I stuck with American-centric documentaries that I have been wanting to catch, Walmart, the High Cost of Low Prices, and Food, Inc. After watching those, I am reminded of everything wrong about our current capitalist economies and wonder when things will unravel to make way for a new system.

So let's talk about Walmart first. It was definitely not unbiased and felt like a revenge against big multinational corporations at times. But it was a thought provoking film that made me think about all the times I smugly patted myself on the back after scoring something on the cheap with not much thought given to the origin of the goods.

The evil that is Capitalism

I particularly enjoyed the end of the documentary, which showed people power at its finest. Ah, so we are not powerless after all. It makes my heart sing that a big MNC's plans can be thwarted.

Moo.

Next up was Food, Inc, a documentary that is close to my heart due to my love for food. This was an enlightening and at times, scary, film tracing the sources of our food and how (again) big corporations and government policies predict food prices that shape food culture. And how human greed is skewing our food system and ultimately killing us.

Do you know what goes in your food? 

I love my farmers markets and hate the thought that they will one day become a thing of the past as these big corporations drive them out of business and replace our whole foods with processed ones, so I'm taking a stand and choosing to be an educated consumer and choose whole food for the sake of my earth, my fellow human beings, my loved ones, and my health. 

"Why is it that you can buy a double cheeseburger at McDonald's for 99 cents and you can't even get a head of broccoli for 99 cents?"

Food memories

Growing up in a food loving Peranakan family, I have always been just a little bit food obsessed. My yearly family calendar is dotted with events surrounding food, such as Chinese New Year, the yearly National Day lunch that mummy single handedly accomplishes with lots of compliments and admiration from those invited, and the Christmas and New Year feast at my cousin's place. My earliest memories are images of my mother and grandmother chopping up vegetables and frying all the colours of the rainbow in a hot wok, the sounds of mummy's trusty kenwood fluffing up egg whites for her signature chiffon cake, and delicious food smells (particularly the fragrance of frying rempah or sambal belachan) wafting out from the kitchen.

When I was younger, more idealistic and fiercely feminist, I took the side of the bra burning feminists (not literally) and rejected the traditional female role as the nurturer and home maker. Hence, I never did take hold of the opportunity to learn first hand from the masters of the kitchen, a decision I regret today. My interest in cooking to preserve cultures,excite the senses and nourish the body only developed later in life when I started working. Being in a mindless 9 to 5 environment with a daily nightmarish journey on the public transport that was operating at a 100 times over its capacity (in my dramatised mind) made me seek out alternative hobbies to make life less dreary. So I began baking, experimenting with bread because I fell in love with the hard European types when I was in the continent during a semester exchange programme.

After packing my bags for a move to yet another continent for further studies and a career switch, I found myself longing for more time in the kitchen, recreating familiar recipes. I guess my homesickness manifested in the longing for food that was more readily available back home. While I am thankful to be in a place where  farmers markets are aplenty and people are as conscious about sustainable farming and cooking according to the seasonal produce available, I still hanker for the colourful and bustling streets of South East Asia where food is available at every corner and at any time of the day. Cannot wait to be home next week, even if it is only a short trip! 

One semester later

It has certainly been a long while since the last post. The first semester is over and I cannot quite believe that I survived it, while working part-time, with my sanity intact. I am so thankful for a nice long (?) break to just rest and catch up on some good reads and shows. These three weeks will be a good time for some consolidation of the past semester and preparation for the next one.

Despite the rigours and demands of the course, I am enjoying it. The challenging and intensive nature of the course makes me feel truly alive! This is my passion and I am glad to have stumbled on to it relatively early in life. Now, time to sit back and enjoy the break.